I have talked about anxiety a few times on this blog. I’ve mostly mentioned it briefly and didn’t dwell on it for too long. I am someone that had to deal with my anxiety alone for such a long time that I find it very hard to talk about. I don’t know how to explain it or let people help me. I just don’t know how. I suffer alone and then I tell people after the fact that I was not feeling too good.
This has to change now. Since 2018 has started I started to notice something that was bothering me. My anxiety was holding me back from being the person I really want to be. It was also messing with my relationships. I was holding myself back and I was letting anxiety take over. It was in control, not me. I want that to change. I want it to change so badly.
I want to travel. Since starting my program and doing art history I have never wanted to travel as much as I do now. I want to see Greece and France. I also started watching more travel bloggers and YouTubers talk about their trips. I was just in awe. I want to that. I want to be able to travel the world as my job. The only thing holding me back is my anxiety.
Last Friday I was supposed to take the train by myself to go to the museum. Now I haven’t taken the train often and I especially had never taken it by myself. This trip scared me. I panicked the night before and I never ended up going. I was held back. A few days prior to the trip I was thinking of all the blog content I could get out of this trip. I was thinking of all the cool photos I could take. I was planning this amazing blog post in my head. It all came crashing down when I couldn’t get myself to go.
How am I supposed to be a travel blogger if I can’t even go into the city by myself? How am I going to do all the things I want to do if I can’t even leave my house? These thoughts weighed me down so heavily that Friday. I was feeling just so down and bad about myself. I don’t want to feel this way any longer.
I want to be the girl who is confident and doesn’t be afraid of doing things by themselves. So that’s why I decided to talk to you guys about it. I wanted to share my little story so that I can see that there are other people out there that feel the same way that I do. I can’t be the only person on this planet that’s life is controlled a lot by anxiety. Or maybe I am?
My game plan to work on my anxiety you may be asking? I’m not a hundred percent sure yet. I know the first thing I did was create a private board on Pinterest where I pinned everything I want to do. I decided that If I could see all my goals then I would be able to achieve them or at least motivate myself to achieve them.
The second thing I did was buy a notebook. Besides the fact that I have an incurable obsession with stationery I thought it would be good to write my anxieties down. When I was in the store and I was just looking through the stationary like your usual stationary-aholic would do, I came across this one. The quote on the front jumped out at me. I knew that this journal was meant for me to write about my anxiety in.
I will be documenting my anxieties and also write my goals. It will be a journal where I can keep track of everything I have overcome. I want it to be positive where I glorify my victories and accept my failures and learn from them.
You can get a similar notebook here: http://shopstyle.it/l/zYOB
The last thing I will be doing is spending more time focusing on working on my anxiety. I’ve for years now not made my own struggles a priority. I did do things every now and again like going to therapists and meditating. I was doing it so irregularly that I don’t think it really was able to change anything. That’s why I really want to spend more time regularly working on my anxiety. I will not let it control my life anymore. I can’t.
Do any of you guys understand how I’m feeling? Is anyone else being held back from their goals because of their mental disorders? I want to talk more about my mental state on this blog more often. I want to create a place where we can support each other and help each other get through our anxieties.
One day I will be a travel blogger. For today I need to gain the strength in myself to be that person. I know it will take time, good things always do. I am willing to fight for this because I can see clearly what I want out of life. I will be free from my anxiety and I will be living the life I have thought up in my head someday.
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